You’re telling me that I have 86 days left? Whoah hold up now, that is less than three months. I’m not sure if I’m emotional because of the election, or because I’m a girl, but tonight my heart is heavy about leaving.
I know what you are thinking, why is she sad when she made this decision herself? How can someone be upset when such a great adventure is in her future? Well, let me tell you that I am still unbelievably excited, but there is a lot that I am leaving behind here. I love my family, I love my friends, I love my home, I love my things. I am comfortable here. Right now I am looking at what I am leaving behind and I am sure this will not be the last time that I will sit on my computer crying missing all everything before I even leave.
I cannot explain myself in words what the people and places here mean to me. My whole life is here, and I am walking away from all of that to live in a different country for three years. I’m not ready to say goodbye to my parents, grandparents, aunts, cousins, best friends, second family (Ricci’s & Baty’s), dogs, or my books! I love each of these things beyond words and realizing that I’m going to be so far away from them is really getting to me. In my heart I know that these people will be here when I get back, but I know I will also miss out on so many memories with them as well. My relationships with these people will change; I will change!
And no I don’t need you to tell me that everything will be okay, or not to be depressed because what I am feeling is normal. It happens to anyone who leaves for the first time (I watched my sweet Kylie go through the same thing). What I need is just to love and allow myself to be sad about leaving these people because everyone I will miss are worth missing. I don’t want to miss a single experience or new memory with anyone, I want to soak it up and keep it in my heart. I’ll be making memories filled with joy, tears and lots of hugs.
But like I said earlier, I am comfortable here and sometimes you need to be uncomfortable in order to grow. I believe God’s word and know that His plan is so much better than mine. God is good, and I know He will give me the courage, strength and bravery to succeed in Australia. “Where God guides, He provides” Isaiah 58:11. I have faith that what I am doing and where I am going is what is best. I have the chance to grow in my faith, education and self while I am away. This will be my time to become comfortable in an uncomfortable situation.
Even with my faith tonight, I am gloomy. I am not ready to leave, but I know I have to be. So for now I will cry, drink my wine and finish watching the elections.